The Lord of Acid

2008-12-10T10:35:00.001+08:00

Ow, I'm sick. :(

And my head kinda hurts too.

This sucks.

2008-12-07T00:04:00.001+08:00

Oh, if you weren't president, you'll be an awesome stand up comedian.

XD That's some funny shit

2008-11-29T23:40:00.003+08:00

Well, umm... that's actually quite interesting.

NOW WE KNOW! (and knowing's half the battle!)

*play theme song*

2008-11-25T19:51:00.003+08:00

I don't know why, but I feel so uneasy in my own home.

I can't do anything cohesively.

I can't eat.

Can't even sleep.

Can't stop without that racing feeling in my heart, the lightness of the head, the acting of the gag reflex.

Oh, chomp chomp chomp. Food sticks in my mouth. It feels like little pills going down down down deep down into my oesophagus.

I feel constantly nervous, like there's a part of my mind which is rotting away.

I feel it all the time.

Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!

Lying awake with my eyes wide shut, it's nice to note how black white walls can be.

God, rude.

People can be whatever they want, but I'll be broken strings and chewing gum.

I feel so uneasy. Bang! Bang!

Remember that time you were lying in bed and you had a niggling feeling that a monster was hiding behind the doors waiting to pounce on you and devour you as your parents laughed in a fit of potential irony that monsters don't exist?

Or remember that time you ODed?

Remember the second time you ODed?

Remember the word, 'fun'?

We'll pump the world full of bubbles, you and I, and together we'll rule the world - the red paint can always come later.

...

ohwait I remember, you're dead.

Holiday Cheer!

2008-11-17T19:41:00.002+08:00

Ahahahhahaha

It's a good comic. You should read it.

2008-11-14T21:39:00.003+08:00

Also, 6 hours of work.

What does she think I like to do in my fucking holidays?
GO BACK TO SCHOOL!?!?!

If I wanted to do 6 hours of work, I'd rather fucking go back to school. It's more bloody satisfying than sitting down with everything around reminding you how much fun you could possibly have been having. Well, okay so school's not that much better, but at least there's a fucking reason for school holidays.

And surprise, surprise. School is 6 hours 40 min. Add me a lunch break, and you have a fucking school syllabus.

SIX FUCKING HOURS??!?!!?!?!?

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?!?!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh D:

And I was actually proud of myself for doing 2 fucking hours of chemistry...

P.S: I must learn to be less vulgar. ...fuck, 6 hours is bloody unreasonable...

2008-11-14T21:33:00.002+08:00

Fuck, but the whistling is bloody infectious.

It's really quite amazing.

And all this just from a- what? 30 sec cameo on Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (a bloody good show, I might add!)...

Here's Peter, Bjorn & John's Young Folks. Song's pretty good, but damn! is the music video freaky. ("I like the drums! *pedo smile*)

If i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going too
we can stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you

talking only me and you
talking only me and you

My gosh, that's just absolutely gorgeous. *whistles*

2008-11-09T14:06:00.002+08:00

Oh, the fools. Don't they see it's all just a facade?
A little act.
Some little lies.
It doesn't even matter. They try to make it so, but we all know ...
It never ever did.
Please don't speak of things of love if you don't mean it.
I don't like false love.
False likes.
I don't like you.
I don't like you.
I tried to, but now I'm just tired.
Oh, so tired.
Maybe one day I'll snap and you'll see all your fears come to life.
Oh, please don't say you love me.
You know you don't mean it.
Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you?
Really?
You do?
Please don't lie.
You're not?
I don't believe you.
I stopped a long long long time ago.
But a little lying goes a long way.
It helps.
Especially when I walked away.
Don't you ever learn?
I never understood love.
The world runs on lovelovelovelovelovelovelove...
Oh, what now?
You think it's all our fault?
ALL OUR FAULT?!
Are you sure it's not yours?
After all, three out of three is quite impressive.
Lalalalalallalala~
I try to lie to myself.

I'll try again.
Maybe I'll drown out reality with my earphones.
If only the sounds weren't so loud.
So bloody fucking loud.
Don't you know it affects him?
Why do you think he's not getting any BETTER?!
You said you'll change.
You fucking liar, you.
Tsk tsk and liars go to H-e---e-e-e-e--lllllllllllll.
You loved to threatened me with that, didn't you?
It's weird.
When I love a doll more than I love you.
Not that I ever really did.
I depended on you.

Both of you.
Hee!
You're both oh-so bad at what you do, it's hard not to ....
Not to...
Not to...
...feel sad?
I never cry.
I won't cry for you.
Not anymore.
Ha-haaaa!
Go cry for yourselves!
I'm dead to you.

I know you hate "no future".
But that's just the truth.
I wanna just fulfill just to show you I could.
Wouldn't be very nice of me, would it?
You never supported me anyways.
Would it have mattered?
What could I have become?
A little sheep?
SAY BAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A robot?
clinkclinkclink
A zombie?
Like him?
It's all your fault yourfault.

And I thought life was okay.
Don't bake me a cake and make me smile.
It won't last.
The cake will flop around for a while.
I like baking.
I just don't like you.
You hurt.
Owie!
Ouch?
Strange, doesn't affect me anymore.
Wanna try again?
It's really easy, you know, for you.

I know I won't dare say all this to you now.
Nono that's a bad word.
I won't want to say all this to you now.
I dare.
But I don't wanna.
See, hate to say I told you so... (alright!)
Don't wanna hurt you just yet.
Cos cos cos you're not yet there.
I won't get free now.
Not now.
I'll tie myself up.
I'll put myself into jail.
Strait-jacket?
Oh, why the hell not?
Bolts and chains?
Try me!

You mean well, but you always fail.
Try again later?

You're a bit too old for that, now.
And, tsk tsk!

I was your most successful.
Was that the best you could do?

I love this phrase. No Future
100 times, now!
No FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo FutureNo Future

Woohoo!
I'm quite pathetic, I know.
I knew that from the very start.
Also, my favourite smiley!

%)

Subject: Quantum moodies

2008-11-02T22:27:00.004+08:00

------------------
The Lighthead Memoirs - #084
"I can't help it - Can't make up my mind"
a.k.a. Quantum moodies
------------------

To: Myself

Oh hello ...

Are you happy? Are you sad?
Can you please make up your mind?

It really angers me you know. Sometimes.

Really! You're fine most of the time. Or should it be some of the time? I can't decide.

You know, today I (that, of course, is you) was feeling awfully sad. Just down. Deep, deep, deep down in the dumps. And I don't know why. It's all your fault!

God, I hated myself. I was this insolent little slug. I wished I could have shriveled up and died.

Sigh... I still do, you know? I don't really want to do anything anymore.

Even writing now has become boring. Lethargic. Almost monotonous. Sometimes I can't quite make out my mood. I'm such a wishy-washy person. Swinging this way one day...

I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Ride into the sun

Oh sorry... I just felt like singing it. Oh god! I feel so down... I feel so depressed. I feel so... so... dysphoric. Yes... that's the word. Restless.

Oh wait, not restless. I just don't want to do anything now. Curled up in this warm little ball where nothing can hurt me. Nothing can hurt me now. Nothing. Nothing.

Maybe it would be better for me to just ... die. What good am I to the world? What good am I to anyone?! I feel so bloody useless! Oh god oh god oh god I wished I would just fade...

And tomorrow I have to go out with my friends. My friends? I think they are friends. Maybe they secretly hate me. Do they? They teased me before ... in fun? Maybe they're trying to send me a message.

Do they hate me? I don't know. I think so... I always had this feeling. Oh GOD! I don't want to go out... I don't wanna. But if I don't, they'll call me... Why would they? They hate me, don't they?

They think I'm irritating, I know. They hate how I hang around, I know... I'm a parasite. A fucking parasite, leeching on them.

I feel like crying now. Why can't I sleep?! That's why I'm writing, see? The doctor told me it'll help me. But it's not helping... Why isn't it?!

I feel so goddamn ALONE!!! No one likes me, no one understands!!! No one cares!!! I'm just this fucking fly on the wall... just there, a pest...

Well... fuck them!

FUCK THEM! I don't need them!!!

I don't need anyone... but my own self. My own flawed, fucking screwed up self.

I need a drink. I know I don't normally drink, but this is special.

Ah yes, that's the stuff. Burns a bit, but that's perfectly normal... I wish I was normal. But you know what? I feel unstoppable. Let's see anyone try to resist me now! I'll see them try...

And if anyone pisses me off again....

Fuck the world! Another drink, good old whisky bottle! You're the only good thing in this shitty shitty world...

Oh heh! I don't feel tired anymore! Hell, I go on forever! I'm like a loose cannon! No one can stop me!

Friends? Who needs them? They don't care about me anyhow...

I'll talk to you later. I'm going to run my course...

---------------------------
"As mad not as a March hare, but as a madde dogge..."
---------------------------

To: Myself

Hahaha the funniest thing happened today!

There was this man who was walking, see? And he slipped on this banana peel, and it seemed so like a cartoon I couldn't help but laugh!

I don't know why I found it so funny, but I couldn't help it. I laughed, and laughed and laughed until my sides started to burst! The man was angry, but I couldn't help chuckling in glee. Even now I still can't help but laugh!

HAha oh god the world is funny! I could just laugh at it forever, but hey! Look at the time!

I've got to go and meet my friends! It should be fun!!!

---------------------
"You got a reaction! You got a reaction, didn't you?"
---------------------

To: Myself

I feel restless. RRGH!

Make up your mind, goddamnit! I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!!

I have a mission, you see? Also, the outing was pretty fucking sucky.

Must we repeat this again? Oh god oh god oh god...

(Oh, and by the way, who says that these posts are supposed to be about me?)

Subject : Fegoli's favourite people

2008-11-01T18:41:00.005+08:00

------------------
The Lighthead Memoirs - #107
"Man with a thousand faces"
a.k.a. Fegoli's favourite people
------------------

Dear diary,

It happened again.
AGAIN! There's only one answer for this.

It must be HIM. I don't know why he's doing this, or who he is exactly. All I know is that it must be him. All of it must be.

They think that I don't know.

They think that I still believe that life is all fine and absolutely dandy thankyouverymuch.

Well, they thought wrong. He can't fool me anymore. Ever since that play, I always had this niggling feeling that there was something, something, wrong. Now I know.

It all makes sense now! You see, HE doesn't like me. He hates me. That's why he's after me, always changing faces, always pretending. Well, if he thinks he can be my 'friend', he's dead wrong. Because now I know.

What a fool everyone is! Can they see it's all HIM? Unless... it means that they're all him. It must be so.

Now I can only ask myself one question - why did I go to see that play? Now he always comes after me. He and his accomplice, that bitch! Why should actors want to chase me? I mean, I thought I was plain delusional, but ... it must be so.

Why else should I suddenly feel so ... disassociated? So ... alienated from the rest? I don't know them anymore, yet they still act as though everything's normal. It's all a facade, I know. It has to be true. They both try to pursue me - and it's all his fault! They want me for something - I do not know what.

They think they can fool me, but they can't! They CAN'T!

You see, the faces are all different. They thought I couldn't notice the difference, but I could! There's just something off, something odd. Those sneaky bastards!

They've even invaded my home.

Where's my parents? WHERE'S MY PARENTS? They told me I was delusional, but I alone know the truth. Maybe there's someone who'll believe me. Someone who's not THEM. I can't tell them what I know, or else they'll find out that I actually know the truth.

Even the food tastes different now. Did they poison it?

I'll be careful... from now on.

I can only trust you, dear diary. Unless the rest, your face doesn't change. And you won't tell him and her, would you?

Oh, I'll talk to you later. She's knocking. And I just know he's somewhere waiting...

----------------
"Time fell asleep in the afternoon sunshine..."
----------------

Believe what you want to believe. I know what I know to be the truth...

Bye byes! %D

2008-10-27T17:15:00.002+08:00

Do you feel crazy?
Well, DO YOU?
...
I don't.

----------------
[Insert meaning]
----------------

" Robots
Robots in your mind
In your hand
Under the skin
The skin!

Under my skin!
Look at that man
Oh hello robot
Hello fellow robot
Riding another machine

Bus driver, please
Tell me if your routine can be different
Why drive?
Why work?
You little robot...

Power suits
You dysphoric blue-black-grey-white patterns!
Robots
Off to the FACTORY
Robotic hands typing robotic words
Highlight!

What'll be your poison today?
What'll be your reason?
Oh I'm feeling down...
Why, what's wrong?
Wrong?

What's right?
I'll be free
You'll be free
If you listened to me
If you just did...
But your ears are just too metallic

Do first, reason later
My own little robot
Outrun electric currents?
Watch me!
Follow me if you can... "

Naw, I don't think that made sense at all. We'll see, though.

Bye byes, loves.

Oh, and VID-e-O!

Yes, the danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing

They're not SLOWING

2008-10-22T21:56:00.003+08:00

"No, don't try now.
It's too late..."

I like videos. I really do.

It's nice to have a combination of visual imagery and audio feedback. Always nice. Well, mostly.

So this shall be a video post!

'COS I SAID SO! >:3

----------
Flight of the Conchords - If you're into it

It's a cute song, by a cute duo. By the way, Flight of the Conchords is a comedy band, so their music isn't exactly the most serious stuff. =) And this is from their TV show, where they play fictionalized (read: IDEALIZED) versions of themselves.

And, now my favourite song from them:

Flight of the Conchords - The Humans are Dead

BINARY SOLO!!!! 01010000101010010001

"*snap* Confirm. It's dead."

----------

The Assumption Song

Umm... yeah, just watch it. Yups.

It's quite amazing, actually.

----------

Arrogant Worms - Carrot Juice is MURDER

OH NO! VEGETARIANS OF THE WORLD - UNITE!

Oh - wait! Right...

----------

Rachel Ray - Corn ... corn umm (just watch)

I guess this is kinda stupid, but I'm in an odd mood right now. =)

"You're SHREDDING the corn!!!"

----------

Boredoms - Budoken Tape

Well, shit the video just happened to get removed. Thanks a lot, youtube! GRR I wanted to show y'all really trippy music!

Velvet Underground? Pssh!
Pink Floyd? Get out!
The Beatles in their later, drug-addicted, hippy era? Whatever...
ANIMAL COLLECTIVE? Not good enough!

'Cos you see, the Boredoms are just plain nuts. Really. Just search them up. Preferably on LSD.

But whatevers. Let's not pout in a corner. The next best thing - WORLD'S END GIRLFRIEND!!! He's a fantastic composer. Here's a song I think is nice. It's instrumental, though.

World's End Girlfriend - Scorpius Circus

Ain't that cooooooooool?

YES IT IS.

----------

That's all. Thank you for your attention.

=)

Bye byes, loves.

2008-10-20T23:42:00.002+08:00

"Maybe one day we'll wake up in a dream,"
Said the pebbles to the sand.

"We'll rather burn,"
The golden particles remarked wistfully.
"Perhaps one day we'll meet again."

Sighing with the utmost effort, the sun shone its ray bright onto the pale black dot. Morning, of course, had come again.

Ah, the sun again.

A cockroach scurried out of its hiding place - abandoned cars evidently make intriguing nesting spots. Stumbling upon a burnt leaf, it paused a moment to investigate its surroundings.

There were no disturbances.

After all, it's only me.

"Shall we look up to our brothers?"
The sand asked to no one in particular.

Ever the introvert, the sea lapped at the shore in quiet determination.

"Maybe we should have been more together,"
Remarked the sand, looking at the glass shards on the beach.
"They seem happy enough."

I don't know why, but lately, it's just been really hot.

A log rode the waves onto the shore. There was a tinkling of crushed glass. As one shard burrowed deep into the sand, it could only help but say, "We didn't ask for it!"

Gazing at the embedded shard, the log apologized, and as an act of friendship, remarked, "It's a hot day today."

The sea belched out another small wave in reply.

I think too much. Do I? I don't know.
Thinking's the only thing I can do. At least now.

The sun sighed.

It had thought that another one of his family had come to join it in this solar system, but it turned out not to be the case. After all, should one consider artificial friends real?

When the line exploded, the sun was moderately excited. The light, it felt, was a little lacking, but then again - we all have to begin somewhere. At least, there were many of them.

Who would have expected the red-white-orange kaleidoscope to have blackened, instead of lighting?

It's all your fault. I couldn't have done anything...

The sand, too, had been surprised.

For too long, many of his brothers had been separating, moving further and further from each other. Perhaps this was a gift from God.

As they shone in the sunlight, they were finally one.

"Oh, the light's so bright today!"

I wish I could move.
I wish I could talk.
Perhaps I really can.
Maybe I am just fooling myself. Dare I try?

...

I tried.

The log was just a shadow of its former self.

It remembered the glory days of itself standing upright in a pine forest; far, far away from the ocean.

Now it was always thirsty. Light has that effect.

Man-made lights. Man-made meals. Man-made destruction.
Ah, yes. Science - for a better tomorrow.

Oh my god.

An ant crawled onto a black ... object in the middle of the road. Instantly, it crumbled into a pile of ash and soot. Surprised, the ant hurriedly scuttled away.

Perhaps I should have stayed silent.

And for the first time in many years, the Earth was silent.

2008-10-12T19:07:00.005+08:00

HEROIN + HEART MASK
Yes, today is a double feature!!!

Alright, actually triple.

First things first.

GET IN THE MOOD.

Therefore = Watch this
(Heroin - The Velvet Underground)

I shall provide lyrics of the choice parts. Which, of course, involves smack (junkie slang woooo!).

'Cause when the smack begins to flow
Then I really don't care anymore
Ah, when the heroin is in my blood
And that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm as good as dead
Then thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess I just don't know

That, of course, is the last stanza. Or whatever the hell you call it.

-------------------------
SECONDARY PHOBIAS
-------------------------

All I'm saying, is that, mother, I'm special.
I really am. Really!
Want me to show you?
I think you'll be a little sad, though, to see me go.
You wouldn't? Awwww... How are you so sure?
Let's try, shall we?

The boys?
Mom, they don't mean anything to me.
They ain't my life.
They will never be.
Oh, gosh! I don't mean it that way.
I'm normal. Special, yes, but not like that.

At least not now.

Aww, mom, don't talk about the girls.
I don't really want to.
Yes, yes, I know they're very nice, but still!
I'm not that sort of man.
I'm sorry you think that of me, but I'm hard to classify.
Because you see...

I'm special.

-------------------
<3<3<3
-------------------

Also, look at this! HEART MASK! HEART MASK! Woooooo so cool ;D

That's all, dearies.

OMG CRAZY ART BASTARD

2008-10-08T21:21:00.002+08:00

This guy is crazy.

Why is he so crazy?

Why is he so fucking GOOD?

AHHHHHHHHH I must surpass him one day! gosh! D:

It's a little painful, really, to watch him.

...really painful.

He's absolutely off his rocker.

Willing to try being crazy.

But, my god, why did he have to do THIS?!

D:

Mood: Dysphoric

2008-10-01T23:29:00.001+08:00

Embracing my roots, I'm truely sorry to bring you all this.

Don't mind me, I'm just meddlin'.

(Oh, and by the way, the video ain't exactly something you'll want to watch with family members around.)

2008-09-28T00:41:00.004+08:00

Now that my head *gasp* stops *gasp* hurting *gasp*, this would be a good time for some vaguely psychaedelic music to relax yourselves, wouldn't it?

Besides, what's the harm it could do? :) And what better way to calm yourself down than some good, old-fashioned, peaceful musical mindfucks? Nothing, that's what.

Listen, and lose yourself. (Granted, some of these ain't that ... harsh, but I'm just being easy on you. It's exams, after all.)

~ :: Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing :: ~

Lyrics, for anyone who wants them:
Well shes walking through the clouds
With a circus mind thats running round
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
Thats all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind.

When I'm sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free
Its alright she says its alright
Take anything you want from me, anything
Anything.

Fly on little wing,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing

~ :: Devendra Branheart - Seahorse :: ~

Lyrics:
Seahorse

I'm high and I'm happy and I'm free
I got my whole heart
Laid out right in front of me
And I finally can see
The way it's always been
The need for peace
Starts from within

So I leave my possesions to the wind
And I'm done with ever wanting anything
Well I can die satisfied
No desires do I hide
Not today, not today
Nor for the next one thousand lives

I want to be a little seahorse
I want to be a little seahorse
A little seahorse

I want to be a little seahorse
I want to be a little seahorse
I want to be a little seahorse...

Well I'm scared of ever being born again
If it's in this form again
Well I wanna know how why where and when and then
I wanna see you be the bright night sky
I wanna see you come back as the light
I wanna see you be the bright night sky
I wanna see you come back as the light

~ :: Regina Spektor - Us :: ~

I know it ain't mind-freak material, but it works, okay? It's a cool song, and she's ... cute. Especially during live performances. %) Another song, cos I like her music quite a lot.

~ :: Regina Spektor - On The Radio :: ~

I know, I KNOW I'm not supposed to like this sort of music, but whatever. My inner punk is slightly offended, but that's okay, cos I'm used to being offended. :)

But, of course, keeping in the mindfuck theme of this post, I'll give you Animal Collective. Enjoy.

~ :: Animal Collective - Grass :: ~

No lyrics cos it's a long song. %) Don't wanna bore you all too much, anyway.

~:: The Velvet Underground - Stephanie Says :: ~

Alright, alright ... bear with me, will ya? :( It's a nice song, but none of you have probably heard it.

----------------
"Would you like some peanuts?"
"No thanks, I'll like to believe I'm still clean."
"A fag, then?"
"That'll be much better."
----------------

Bye byes, everybody.

Don't miss me, cos I wouldn't want you lying to yourself. :)

OW

2008-09-26T17:52:00.001+08:00

Moi brain hurts.

2008-09-24T23:29:00.002+08:00

The exams are coming.

Coming.

Coming for you. Coming for your souls, your hearts, your minds.

My mind is getting numb.

The examination stress is burning my brain apart like fat on a slow fire, just sizzling there like a large piece of blubber. I can't think properly anymore.'

On the good side, I've been complimented on how my art manages to go from complete shit > quite nice. =) I'm a miracle worker!

Doesn't change the fact that exams are still melting my cranial complex though.

B..but. I do have a few days free to study/slack, so...

I guess I should be thankful for that.

---------------
"I tried. Really.
You didn't notice, did you?
So I stopped.
You noticed that.
But the old battle wounds still remain."
----------------

I feel lopsided. A part of my brain has been greatly relieved by the handing up of my art piece, but the other side knows I'm screwed for not studying. Oh, life, life.

Sometimes you have to choose, and it never is the right choice.

Surpressing one's inner feelings is the ultimate sign of strength.

-----------------
"Hello, fat man. Whatever shall we do today?"
"Oh dear, there are no advertisements on today."
"Let's go murder someone."
-----------------

DIAGNOSIS:
I am stressed.

You're my acid rainbow.
Can I be your acid rain?

2008-09-19T21:09:00.001+08:00

The week always has to end off sucky.

--------------
Can't Stand Me Now
The Libertines
--------------

An ending fitting for the start
You twist and tore our love apart
Your light fingers threw the dart
Shattered the lamp into darkness it cast us...

No, you've got it the wrong way round
Just shocked me up and blamed it on the brown
Cornered the boy kicked out at the world,
The world kicked back a lot fuckin' harder...

If you wanna try, If you wanna try
There's no worse you could do (oh oh oh)
I know you lie, I know you lie
I'm still in love with you (oh oh oh)

Can't take me anywhere (I'll take you anywhere)
You can't take me anywhere (I can't take you anywhere)
I'll take you anywhere you wanna go!

Oh, you can't stand me now (No, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now (Oh, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now (No, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now,
You can't stand me now!

Have we enough to keep it together?
Or do we just keep on pretending
And hope our luck is never ending
You tried to pull the wool, I wasn't feeling too clever
And you take all that they're lending
Until you needed mending...

If you wanna try, If you wanna try
there's no worse you could do (oh oh oh)
I know you lie, all you do is make me cry
And all these words they aint true (oh oh)

I can't take me anywhere (I can't take you anywhere)
You can't take me anywhere (I'll take you anywhere)
I'll take you anywhere you wanna go!

Oh, you can't stand me now (No, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now (Oh, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now (No, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now (No, you can't stand me now)
You can't stand me now!
You can't stand me now!
You can't stand me now!
No, you can't stand me now!
You can't stand me now!
You can't stand me now!
No, you can't stand me now!
------------------

Seriously. Does the week always have to end like this?

2008-09-17T23:46:00.003+08:00

GOD

What the fuck did I ever do to You?

I'm sorry for doubting you, but did You have to be such a bitch now?

I mean, ...

FUCK

Thanks for stressing me out more than I already was! Now I can't print out my fucking ISO shit because I know You love to make shit happen at the absolute worst time.

I really love the way You did this one.

Why, just waiting for me to print bad copies just trying to get the perfect size and orientation for the page, and midway through printing just making my printer stop fucking working.

I love You, God. I really do. But did You have to hate me now?

I hope you're happy. I'm certainly not.

----------------------
"I don't understand it. All we're trying to do is destroy everything."
----------------------

2008-09-16T19:34:00.001+08:00

(I actually posted this on livejournal, but I copied it here, cos I'm just lazy. ;D)

----------------------

" I went away on a government vacation
Wasn't the best time that I ever had
Shipped me back home from a secret location
My legs came back later in a plastic bag

Metal papers
Metal pens
Metal hearts
Metal hands

Memorise the rules and learn to behave
But when I got to school, I forgot (forgot)
So they put me in a special classroom
Where everybody is a robot (robot)"

--------ROBOT HIGH SCHOOL, by My Robot Friend-------

Ever read the news?

The way the world is going, there's only two scenarios that I can see happening in the next century:

1.) THE RAPTURE

Now, I'm not really a Christian, but still... Everything points to it, don't they? After all, the alternative is a slow death through the flexing of Nature's muscles, so either way will still result in utter chaos and anarchy for a period of time. In this case, you will experience hell on earth for 7 years (not Christian). Good little christians, though, get to run away from the very start.

To non christians: Don't worry! If you die before redeeming yourself, you will just go straight to hell! Which is very likely, seeing how everything will be in utter chaos. If you can't get killed in a world of looting, murders, and rapes, in 7 years, who can? Oh, and there will also be a period where these little locusts will come out and drive you insane with pain - the worst pain you will ever experience in the world. Also, if you try to kill yourself because of these little pests, which you probably will, looking for an escape, you can't die! So we'll see a dramatic increase in the number of cases where the suicide victim will SURVIVE! Ever experienced a broken neck or a shot away jaw (and parts of the brain)? No?

...now you will know!

And the reassuring news: After 7 years, all good christians go to heaven. The rest of you? You go to hell, then you perish forever. Ain't that nice?

2.) NATURAL WRATH

Humans are a pest to the world. That's generally accepted.

If the earth was compared to a clock, we've only appeared (at the earliest) at 11:58:43. Yes, that's only 1 minute, 17 seconds before midnight (today).

Why, tell me, should the world put up with a species that only appeared extremely recently, yet managed to kill the world in about ... 2 seconds?

We're stupid.

We may say all we want about saving the environment and all that jazz, but we won't actually do it, will we? You see, saving the environment now is like exercising. If you don't do it INTENSELY and REGULARLY, it just won't help. You might as well not save the world at all. Cos we all know we all hate to get off our asses to do something.

Maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic, but please, tell me something that points to the contrary. Explain to me why human selfishness and greediness overrides all love towards the environment. Surely, surely, the polluters were kids once, and experienced the joy of the natural environment? Maybe when we grow up, our hearts die.

And living in a concrete jungle, how can we expect the next generation to save something alien to them?

I'll see you all underwater.

2008-09-14T12:33:00.001+08:00

My parents have just bought a 'dog'.

It's a plush doll.

And oh my god it's completely ugly.

It's a pit bull.

They call it 'Winston'.

2008-09-13T22:42:00.007+08:00

LOOK! A quiz! Yay!

What Your Favorite Color Orange Says About You:

Joyful --- Enthusiastic --- Optimistic

Outgoing --- Accepting --- Confident

Loud --- Unruly --- Impulsive

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

-------------------------

ANOTHER ONE!

-------------------------

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are wise, insightful, and brilliant.

Your wit is sharp and occasionally hurtful...

Revealing your scorn for people with less intelligence.

Underneath it all, you feel burdened by the stupidity of humanity.

You know what's right in the world, but it's overshadowed by everything that's wrong.

People see you as arrogant. While this is partially true, you are also very sensitive.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

D: I just chose the picture cos it looked nice! And it was ORANGE!

2008-09-13T17:11:00.004+08:00

Awesome sauce music YEAH [+3]

-Hologramic rockets, paper-pencil videos, and toothpaste kisses-

Well, I haven't done this shit for so long, so let's do this!

I'll give you 3 bands, two of which I have been listening to for quite long, and one which I have actually only started recently. (It's not supposed to be my sort, but whatever...)

"...I'd rather be fishing." *zap*

--------HERE WE GO, LIKE BEFORE-------
1.) The Maccabees

GENRE: British Indie (Well, not really a genre, so let's just put them under Indie/Alt)

They, frankly, are far from my favourite band. But they're pretty good, I'll give them that. And their music, as someone once said, is very .... dreamy. So let's introduce you to them, and their occasionally awesome music videos.

(They only released one album, by the way.)

Colour It In - Toothpaste Kisses (AWESOME VIDEO)/(Not that awesome video, but still very sweet)
Colour It In - Precious Time (as you can tell, they're pretty fond of stop motion and Adobe After-Effects)
Colour It In - About Your Dress
Colour It In - Latchmere (song's a bit different from the one I have, though)

------AS WE USED TO SAY------
2.) Tokyo Police Club

GENRE: Indie Rock (Sorry... I'll give you some punk later! haha)

In case you were wondering, they're not from Japan (they're all canadian), they're not part of the police force, and they don't form a club (4 people hardly constitutes a club). But I like their music a bit lots! (Also, the lead singer has a cute habit of kicking his legs back in live performances for some reason)

And also, what other band has an 8 song EP that only lasts 16 minutes?

A Lesson In Crime EP - Cheer It On (Their debut single)
Smith EP (Yes, they are fond of making EPs) - Box (bloody awesome song)
Elephant Shell (An actual album! AMAZING!) - In A Cave
Elephant Shell - Your English Is Good

And, because it's the first song from them that I heard, here's this!

A Lesson In Crime EP - Nature of the Experiment (Come on, the bass is pretty sexy)

--------THIRD TIME LUCKY (?)-------
3.) Genki Rockets

GENRE (this is a bad idea to read): J-pop/Electronic

Yes, yes, I know they sound very....horrible from far, but I don't think they're that bad. I mean, I understand that the combined horribleness of J-pop + Electronic is ..... daunting, to say the least, but they're okay in my books! And besides, they're a virtual band, like, you know, Gorillaz!

And what other band uses HOLOGRAMS for live performances? Take that! Hehe! Give their music a chance, pretty catchy stuff.

Their music videos are also pretty cool, though a little....trippy? It's completely animated, and you can see the growth in animation prowess throughout them. Haha! (ART STUDENT MOMENT) In case you're wondering, the model, and singer, is Rachel Rhodes.

Genki Rockets 1 : Heavenly Star - Heavenly Star
Genki Rockets 1 : Heavenly Star - Breeze
Genki Rockets 1 : Heavenly Star - Star Line

And also, because it looks completely awesome live, here's them at LiveEarth!

Breeze, performed live at LiveEarth.

Cool, right? Of course it is. =)

I always am....

2008-09-10T00:51:00.005+08:00

Let me tell you a story about life.

---START---

One day, a man decided to enjoy life. He decided that, instead of simply walking across the pedestrian's crossing like a good citizen, he would attempt to take life to the fullest. To him, it meant taking risks and being glad to be alive. So, one day, he saw an empty road, and ran.

A speeding car came out of nowhere and collided with him.

He died.

---THE END---

Let's tell another more heartwarming story!

---START---

One day, there was a rich boy. Born into a rich and powerful family, brought up by his own private servants and caretakers, he never experienced any level of discomfort. His incredibly vast family fortune also ensured that he would never have to work a single day of his life. Needless to say, he became spoilt, and spent his childhood being nasty to anyone less powerful than him. Should anyone dare to raise a hand towards him, he would just need to whisper a little something to his parents, and it would mean misery for that person's family.

This rich boy grew up. Still as much an asshole as ever, he prospered and lived his whole life in absolute comfort. When he died, many people said that he probably had one of the happiest lives ever lived.

His servants are bound by a contract to sweep his grave ever week.

---THE SECOND END---

Let's tell a LAST story!

---START---

There was once a fetus, living quite happily in its mother's womb. Unknown to the mother, this fetus would grow up to be a genius, solving many of humanity's problems, while she looked proudly by the sidelines. Unfortunately, this baby was conceived through a man who violently raped her behind a deserted carnival tent a few months ago.

She aborted it.

As the last vestiges of its life was crushed by the cruel device, it could not think. Its brain had not managed to properly develop then.

---THE FINAL END---

I love stories, because they're so fun to write! Have fun reading! ;D

P.S: Ahhh omg blogspot is being a bitch again =(

2008-09-08T23:39:00.003+08:00

HAHA! I HAVE CONQUERED HTML!

My titlebar logo (image next to TITLE and BROWSER ADDRESS) is now completely fucking AWESOME! Bye bye, ugly blogspot image! Hello, little cute orange!

Try to beat that, now, bitches!

P.S. I did that with a touchpad. .... it's hard. :/

2008-09-08T22:46:00.003+08:00

Saw this on deviantART, thought it was cool, and decided to share.

It's a poem! (That's amazing!)

Acid Rainbow

Will you be my acid rainbow?
I’ll look up to you
my eyes burnt out by your spectrum
No longer seeing what I don’t wish to.

Take my hand and lead me away
I’ll follow your burning colors
Red is your fury searing away
Please don’t burn me
Orange is your glory shining bright
Lend some to me
Yellow is your happiness laughing aloud
Allow a giggle to escape my lips
Take my hand and lead me away
I’ll follow your burning colors

Will you be my acid rainbow?
I’ll never let you go
My eyes can only see your poison glow
So happy, I’m no longer alone

Take my mind and lead me away
I’m engulfed in your burning colors
Green is your envy sizzling cruelly
Turn it away from me
Blue is your sadness crying harshly
Allow my presence to comfort you
Indigo is your calmness humming softly
Calm down my frazzled nerves
Take my mind and lead me away
I’m engulfed in your burning colors

Will you be my acid rainbow?
I’ll be your acid rain
My eyes will cry acid just for you
Oh my love, my acid rainbow

Violet is your silence
Please answer me.

Cool, right?

haha the page is here <--

Read it. Think about it. I especially like the 'orange' part.

2008-09-08T21:16:00.002+08:00

I feel quite happy today.

Okay, that's not exactly true (after all, it's hard to feel happy just a day after that), but I feel a genuine sense of accomplishment.

People are actually thinking about what my blog posts actually mean! *GASP*

"Is it a pure manifestation of teenage anger and isolation?! Is it a complex formula meant to confuse the viewer into a false sense of satisfaction that he has understood the blog post to be a mere shallow view of the world?! Is it an interestingly detailed and complicated secret code built in the corners of the poster's mind meant only to be decoded by those involved in the situations described in the post, which may not even have loud hints referring to the situation in question, instead relying on the reader's ingenuity and analytical skills to decipher the puzzle?! OR IS IT JUST A COMPLETELY RANDOM PIECE OF SHIT?!"

I think you can decide for yourself. Hehe! %D

I should do this more often! How fun! XD

ANYWAY, let's get on to the real meat of the post, shall we?

...

There isn't any, cos I'm a bastard. Also, I got lazy.

I draw.

See my drawings if you want.

They sometimes explain a lot more than words ever can.

;D

2008-09-07T22:05:00.001+08:00

:/

My parents are fighting again. Threatening to divorce. Almost killing each other.

Maybe they'll divorce for real this time.

Now they're doing some shit but to be frank I don't really want to know.

Perhaps I'll wait for the fake warmth and plastic smiles.

Such a fantastic night before school starts!

Flying ships and ....broken down buildings.

2008-09-07T15:14:00.004+08:00

LET'S EXAMINE REALITY AND THE TRUTHFULNESS OF THE BRAIN
------------------------------

I was doing my biology....like a GOOD boy, when I decided, for some reason, to search up "rhetorical question". ....I felt like it, and, also, the situation called for it.

From there, I, of course, got to "hypothetical questions", which led me to the next page - Thought experiments.

Being the person that I am, I of course stopped doing my biology and spent my time looking through the various 'experiments', and one of them particularly interested me. From the title, one could tell that it was promising!

(It was kinda called Brain in a vat. Sounded.... interesting.)

WHAT IS IT ABOUT

Basically, the experiment goes roughly like this. I'll summarize it for you(such a nice guy, I know %D)!!!

WHAT IF you removed a brain from a person's body, without his knowing (perhaps when he's unconscious or drugged), and transferred it into a vat of life-sustaining liquid and connected all his neurons (you get all your information from them. SCIENCE!!!!) to a machine which provides it with electrical impulses EXACTLY THE SAME as that to which the brain normally receives.

Therefore if this worked, the brain would thus be experiencing a CONSTANT state of virtual reality, and the person (his brain) would theoratically still have normal conscious experiences (e.g. not knowing that his brain was removed and that it is floating in a vat of liquid like a piece of shit floats in the toilet bowl). And he can still believe that he is in the 'real' world, even when he is completely disconnected from real events and real life.

His brain would not be able to tell whether it is in a vat or sitting inside his skull, because a brain has no eyes to see. It relies on electrical information from his EYES, which can thus be easily replaced by electrical impulses from the machine. From his perspective, according to the information he is given by the MACHINE, he would not be able to tell whether he is in his body or in a vat. The electrical impulses are the only way your brain can interact with the surroundings, but in this case are provided for by the machine.

Therefore, can you trust your experiences? Come on, use your fist and lightly tap the side of your head. It feels real enough, doesn't it? But how are you so sure that it isn't just the machine passing down electrical impulses to your brain to simulate the information sent down by your nerve tissues at the side of your head when your 'fist' touches it? In fact, if the machine so wills, you could even believe that at this very moment you are skipping down a road, eating ice cream. And how would you know that you are not ACTUALLY doing all this, but you are just sitting in a vat relying on the machine to supply your perspective?

You wouldn't know. You never will.

Even if the machine, for some reason, decided to send nerve impulses to show you the real world, so to speak, and you realise that you are indeed a brain in a vat - but you are NOT actually a brain in a vat. The machine has just CONVINCED you through its nerve impulses that you are a brain in a vat. You might not be, you know.

So what is 'real'?

Is the machine even real? The one that sends you all information about the real world which you so believe in?

How do you know that your perspective is correct? If you see the machine (through the nerve impulses sent), you are not actually SEEING the machine. You are just forming the images through what the machine gives you. You are not experiencing the real world.

And how would you know that you are experiencing something 'real' when you have no idea what reality is? You may, after all, be anything. All your 'real life' experiences can be stimulated and sent and modified by an unknown power. Think about, say, your parents. How are you so sure that you have actually REALLY interacted with them? Perhaps the machine has simply instilled in you a sense that you have had something called 'parents', and it had given you many many images of life with them.

How can you truely know something when you have not interacted with it ever before (being a brain in a vat)?

Can we even consider ourselves real?
Think about it.

Just replace the word 'vat', with skeleton.
Our brain cannot see, yet we rely on it for EVERYTHING.
How can we trust our brain, when it has not experienced anything it is telling us to experience?

A brain cannot touch or FEEL anything.
Yet it tells us that when our 'hand' brushes up against something, it is feeling something.
Can we trust it? Can we trust the feeling?

Maybe everything is just....false.

---------------------------

"...do you hate me?"
"Oh, why would you think that? It's all in your head, my dear, all in your head...."

--------------------------

Oh, one last thing. You know in dreams? Whenever you dream of falling, you always wake up before you hit the ground?

What happens when you commit suicide in 'real life'? Will you wake up before, as they say, hit the ground?

2008-09-04T19:02:00.003+08:00

PHOTOBUCKET: "Oh hi ummm just to be a bitch, let me expire your bandwidth, kay? So that no one can view your images anymore, and anything that you made with these images are going to look as though you don't give a half rat's ass shit about it because it'll look incredibly crappy. Oh, also, there's going to be no warning. None at all. Haha! So if you lose your images... " *shrugs*

ME: "..."

Luckily, one day after this, I have realised the power of HTML! Yay! And also finding, and saving, backup images for the template! Thank you, BLOGSKINS I <3 style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">ORANGE template back! Yay! YAY!

Now it's looking absolutely bitchin'. %D

To congratulate, let's have absolutely sexy orange themed pictures (that you can use for....stuff. haha):

2008-09-03T23:49:00.001+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! OMG

The designer's photobucket's bandwidth has been exceeded!!!

OMGGGGGG

*sobs*

I may have to find a new template T_T

2008-08-31T00:02:00.001+08:00

This is from Thursday.

Guess who?

2008-08-30T17:08:00.003+08:00

No, the chemical reactions in the previous post are not meant to be real elements (in the chemical sense) or real compounds (likewise).

%D

It's about..... ..... stuff, that you should know about. Haha! %) Try to understand it, now. It's actually pretty simple, if you loosen your mind and widen your cranial horizons. It's sometimes good to just sit back and observe the world.

It can be about me and you and the car in the corner. Or it can be about the bus which passed by this area 3 times. Or it can be about sitting in the worst 1 hour performance of your school life.

You know, like how a movie about wine can sometimes be a romantic comedy?

dun dun DUN

-------------------------
It's the orange hunting season, baby
Not one but you and us
If you think taking out the bullets would work
Well, you do the math
'Cos sooner or later
We got to understand
There's nothing this can't work
And one of us bound to let it out
Just bound to let it out
Oh, just bound to let it out
------------------------

TEN things that never fail to make me happy (alright! not so sad)
+ (I was just wondering, see?)

1.) Listening to OK Go (Seriously! I know they're not a very good band, but for some reason, you can't really be sad while listening to them. Get get get get over it! )
2.) Having a really good idea to draw right in front of me (it distracts me)
3.) Orange (the colour of happiness lives up to its name)
4.) Being with things that I love
5.) Taking a long bath ... with the rose shampoo that I love so much >< Smells nice!
6.) Seeing very sweet and happy things (like, you know, umm.... kittens or something)
7.) Seeing bastards getting what they deserve, and more...
8.) Watching hardcore religious extremists (both sides) getting their ass kicked
9.) Writing shit down
10.) Being alone and thinking about nice happy things

2008-08-29T19:48:00.003+08:00

I was probably lying when I said I was sad earlier. Let's have a lesson in Chemistry!

Oh...yay! %/

------------------A LESSON IN CHEMISTRY--------------------

Let's assume we have a number of different elements, each with varying valencies.
Let's call these elements K, Se, Ay, B, Gb, Er and Si.

Firstly, we start by listing off all the compounds from these elements:
K (aq) + Se (s) forms a compound K(Se)2 (l)

In this reaction, a solution of K (an unreactive element) has the reactive non-metal Se added to it in excess. It's an explosive reaction, and you can observe a number of things:
1.) Pungent fumes, from the gas K2O, are produced in minute quantities
2.) Colour change = The blue solution, K, changes colour to orange when the colourless solution Se is added, almost instantly.
3.) Much bubbling is observed.
The by-product, K(Se)2, is a liquid in r.t.p, orange in colour, and, like water, can switch states (solid, liquid and gas) with the right stimuli.

This compound is relatively stable, and can function by itself as either an independent compound or can combine with other elements to form a new compound.

Let's examine one such compound. Relatively recently discovered, about 8 months ago, it happens when the unstable element, Gb, is added, in controlled quantities.
When this happens, the formula is:
K(Se)2 (l) + Gb = K + (Se)2Gb

However, since Gb is not added in excess, there are still remmants of Ke(Se)2 in the solutions.

The K element dissociates itself from the compound (Se)2Gb, and is functionally alone. The new compound, (Se)2Gb, is rather perculiar. The (Se)2 in the compound is stable, while Gb has a number of free electrons floating around. A number of things can be observed from the reaction:
1.) Colour change = The reacted (Se)2Gb changes colour from orange to colourless, when the purple element, Gb, is added.
2.) The remaining Ke(Se)2 floats to the surface of the solution, as it less dense than the new compound, (Se)2Gb.
3.) Bubbling occurs, but at random intervals and rarely intense.

The new compound, (Se)2Gb, is stable, and is unable to react with any other element or compound.

However, the solution of K, (Se)2Gb, and K(Se) can be made even more interesting by adding in an additional element, Ay and the compound, (Si3Er)2. When this happens:

K + (Se)2Gb + K(Se) + Ay2 + (Si3Er)2 = Ay2K + (Se)2Gb + K(Se)(Si3Er)2

When this happens, the element, Gb, reacts oddly, once Ay is added. Both Gb and Ay causes the compound, K(Se)2, to split up, and they react with (Se)2 and K respectively. Should (Si3Er)2 be added by itself, there would be very little noticable reaction, but when Ay is added, the reaction becomes extremely intense.

After this reaction, it is expected that either the compound Ay2K or (Se)2Gb will crystallize, but that remains to be seen. It is still an experimental reaction.

Note: The element B can be added to any of the compounds listed, though the final product will still be the same.
-------------------------------------

Haha! Try to analyse that, now! %D

I'm such an asshole... and it actually has something to do with everything, the reactions above.

Bye, chemistry students! hehe (Non-chem students can try to figure it out too!)

2008-08-29T14:16:00.001+08:00

I may be sad.

Not that any of you would care anyway. It's not something you'll notice. Or care about.

Nevermind...

I'll have to rely on myself again, then...

Is that a bump I hear?

2008-08-29T00:11:00.003+08:00

Lately, I don't know why, but there have been very few bumps in my head.

I've been busy.
Busy with various things.

Some are important, and absolutely essential to me as a student, like schoolwork and courseworks, and handing up all my homework on time like a good boy.

Some are absolutely trivial, unimportant, and extremely detrimental to me. For example, watching videos by the moonlight or eating junk food to kill myself in a slow and pleasant way.

Some, you might say, are complicated. It's weird, you know? Sometimes I wonder why human beings are so ... obsessed with social interaction. Relationships! Friendships! LOVE!

Why?

Are our minds so lonely talking to itself that it finds the need to share the horrible experience with another one? Why can't our mind be self-functioning, perfectly able to be alone and not have to go through all the shit that is talking or joking or feeling odd for someone? Sometimes I think that robots may be the happiest things around. Actually, no, I'm lying.

And over-reacting.

And over-thinking.

Love is good. It binds all of us together. The only thing separating us from somewhat intelligent animals who have the power of a god behind them.

Big whoop!

I'll be as vague as possible now, so, bear with me. I hate discussing my problems in a straightforward way, since I get screwed up so often. Let's go, shall we?

Not to say that I actually have a problem. I just love telling stories. %D

--------------DIAGNOSIS FOR A HONEYTRAP------------

One day, a bee once moved to a new hive, with a few of his friends from his old hive. The hive had broken down, and they were forced to move, to upgrade themselves.

This new hive was friendly. It welcomed the bees. It had to. It was such a small one, smaller than the rest of the other hives.

It was supposed to have a shipment of worker bees, but for some reason, they got intercepted. The hive was alone, functioning with its relatively small number of bees.

After a short while, this bee (the one who just recently moved) found itself a brand new flower, a sort that it had never seen before. It's nectar was extra-sweet, because, somehow, just somehow, the bee knew that this flower was forbidden. Locked territory, so to speak. And it wanted to try it out. Just once. It was just playing about, after all, what could happen? It was simply a flower, it would bring the nectar into its mouth and turn it into honey.

The nectar was sweet, like brown sugar and white sugar all combined into a super-extra-tasty version of happiness. But there was something about this cloying sweetness that just didn't fit with the bee. It was meant for some other bee, some other type of bee. No matter how hard it tried, it was just..... undesirable. Perhaps some other bee would appreciate it, but it just couldn't. It wasn't him.

But the bee had taken in the nectar already. The nectar was poisonous. A slow working poison. As the bee slowly died, covered in the nectar, it felt good. And if the bee closed its eyes, it could just imagine, just a little bit, that it was eating real nectar and real honey and it wasn't eating a forbidden nectar just waiting there to be eaten. The bee died, lying at the base of the flower which was forbidden to all the bees, and they all had the vague idea that they knew it, somewhere inside them.

Many bees passed by the flower. Each of them, no matter how hard they tried to forget, knew that inside them, somewhere, they had that slight twinge of desire for the nectar inside. But for most of them, that desire wasn't strong enough for them to experience the flower. A few tried, but they were fooling themselves. They just had a craving for nectar, and this flower all but failed to satisfy them. It was just not them, though. It just wasn't meant for them. They wouldn't, couldn't, understand nor appreciate it.

And no one cared about the bee lying at the base of the flower, even though it was a most desirable sight. The nectar was shining bright in the moonlight, and it glistened on the bee's back. But to most of the bees, it meant nothing to them.

There was one bee. It meant something to it.

It was curious. It had tried the flower before, but had failed to appreciate its full flavour. It felt like trying again, but perhaps it felt more than that.

It tried the nectar. And this time, this time, it was the most delicious sensation it had ever had in its life. It was meant for this bee. It was for his type. Though it was forbidden, it just couldn't help but ingest it like it would real nectar. And all the other bees hated him for it. "It's just their type...", they would say. But the bee would just laugh, because it didn't care. Not one bit.

Soon, the flower ran out of nectar.

The bee discovered the silent one beneath the flower.

It felt a little odd inside, like there was this craving for the nectar on the bees body, but perhaps there was a little something more. A little something hard to explain.

It prodded the silent one, but the silent one couldn't respond. It was dead.

And, for a moment, the bee was sad.

----------------------END-----------------------

Understand? Hope not.

Hahaha XD If you don't get it, don't think too much about it. It's nothing, really. %)

Bye, loves.

"I must be fine cos' my heart's still beating..."

2008-08-28T02:13:00.002+08:00

The Denial Twist
- The White Stripes -

If you think that a kiss is all in the lips
C'mon, you got it all wrong, man
And if you think that our dance was all in the hips
Oh well, then do the twist
If you think holding hands is all in the fingers
Grab hold of the soul where the memory lingers and
Make sure to never do it with a singer
Cause they'll tell everyone in the world

But he was thinking about the girl
Yeah, but he's thinking about the girl, oh

A lot of people get confused and they bruise
Real easy when it comes to love
They start putting on their shoes and walking out
And singing "boy, I think I had enough"

Just because she makes a big rumpus
She don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy
Take a tip and do yourself a little service
Take a mountain turn it into a mole

Just by playing a different role
Yeah, by playing a different role, oh

The boat yeah you know she's rockin' it
And the truth well you know there's no stoppin' it

The boat yeah you know she's still rockin' it
The truth well you know there's no stoppin' it

So what, somebody left you in a rut
And wants to be the one who's in control
But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder
How the hell she could be so cold

So now you're left, denying the truth
And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth
You need ta spit it out, in a telephone booth
While you call everyone that you know, and ask 'em

Where do you think she goes
Oh yeah, where d'ya suppose she goes, oh

The truth well you know there's no stoppin' it
And the boat well you know she's still rockin' it

The boat well you know she's still rockin' it
And the truth yeah you know there's no stoppin' it

You recognize with your back in the back?
That it's colder when she rocks the boat
But it's the cause hittin on the Cardinal Laws?
'bout the proper place to hang her coat

So to you, the truth is still hidden
And the soul plays the role of a lost little kitten but
You should know that the doctors weren't kidding
She's been singing it all along

But you were hearin' a different song
Ya you were hearin' a different song
But you were hearin' a different song

-------------------------------------------
"Please say, dear, that you're not going to spill that on me..."
"I'm sorry, but it's for the greater good."
"It stains me..."
"We all have to make sacrifices sometimes. Don't expect too much of me; I'm only a tool."

2008-08-27T21:36:00.002+08:00

EXCUSE ME?!

I AM NOT EMO THANK YOU VERY MUCH

HUR HUR HUR

--------------------------------

"Why so down, up boy?"
"... I don't know. My jet's refusing to function..."

2008-08-25T00:28:00.002+08:00

I'm bored, so I decided to use writing prompts.

A random one:
Create a story, poem or any piece based on this metaphor: "a chapter of loathing"

Let us go!

----------------------------------

The world stared at me through a pane of glass in a plastic box.

The television blared endlessly at my prone form on my uncomfortable leather chair, filling me with words and words and worlds of information.

"...and with these hot HOT savings, you, too, can get a N1..."

The smile of the presenter irked me. How can one smile when his situation was so obviously bad? I looked at him, his appearance all spick-and-span, his looks made up to be simply perfect. His teeth, white like snow and just as cold, his face devoid of any marks or blemishes or anything that made him human except for a little bit of humanity trapped in his mustache - prefectly kept and trimmed and combed, like a little spoiled puppy resting on his upper lip. I wondered at the quaver of his voice, the forced enthusiasm. What would drive a man to put on such an act? One could tell from his overly energetic movements, his hopeful eyes looking into your face, longing for the insignificant comission to come when he finally got a sale from us selfish bastards. One could tell from the way he pushes his sale. The way he screams at you: "Please! Please buy it!"

Irritates me to no end. The disgusting sight of a degraded man was finally over. Overly cheerful pop music blasted at me as the next programme came on.

"Let's get away, fly away; I found the path to paradise"

Oh, how I would wish I could fly. Then I would soar. Soar like an eagle over all my colleagues, my friends, my family, everyone in the world. And then I would laugh at them. I would laugh at the maggots they called 'people'. My jeering laugh would echo in the deepness of the skies. The birds in the air will glance at me while they flutter pass, their dark soulness eyes capturing the last moments of a doomed man. Then after I have had my laugh, I would fly into the sun. Ah, the path to paradise. The key to escaping the gate of reality.

I checked myself. Life wasn't like that. Life was never happy. It was fair, sure, but happy? Not so much. After all, why should I get my wish? The little asshole in the other room won't either. And I could be content with that.

"Shining spiral of gold; Take my hand, find our way out"

I switched off the television. The song made me feel.... angry. What song mocks you for your inability to feel happiness? What song gives you a sense of false hope only to abandon you at the end of its tether? What song makes you realise that the message its preaching is oh-so undeniably false but yet you still have this little, irritating, part of you that wishes to believe in that? I gave a little mental sneer. Disgusting. Utterly loathful.

Now that the cheerfulness was gone, I had utter silence to observe my surroundings in. The greyness of the walls, I felt, complimented the ultimate trashiness of the place. Kicking over an empty can of something on the floor, I noticed the scuttling of little creepies all over my room. Those little pests, struggling to survive in a whirlpool of death and destruction. I found an ant crawling on my empty chips packet.

I crushed it with my right thumb. Held it down and slowly, ever so slowly, rotated. I felt the squirms of the dying creature, and, for a split second, I felt sorry for it. This pathetic piece of life was just the same as all of us, I thought. Perhaps, if it was bigger, the tables would be turned. But the feeling soon passed, and the bloody smear on my fingertip was the only thing left reminding me of something long passed. I had no enjoyment out of it. I only felt the cold, cold, and ever so tiring emotions of something routine - my muscles had done this so many times before, and what was I to do something different? I no longer warranted any enjoyment from anything. Life, I felt, was devoid of real happiness - it was only us trying to convince ourselves that we were not as sad as before.

As I slowly wandered on this stray thought, my neck craned instinctively. My eyes, it seemed, had spotted a little bottle on the table. My mind sighed to itself.

Scrambling to it, I shoke it like a child would shake a rattle. The little white pills of non-sadness seemed to shine at me through the glass. I carefully measured out five.

With a glass of water, I turned over a new page. The chapter of loathing was over.

---------------------------

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm screwed this story sucks shit. Also, I can't be bothered to write much anyway, so.... haha! Ending here!

Bye, loves

2008-08-24T18:07:00.013+08:00

This post shall be called "Camera Dedication Post .o1"!

---------------

Congratulations!
Player 1: Spiralhead has defeated Shop Owner (1) and Parents (2)!

Player 1: Spiralhead has gained a new item: [Awesome Phone] x 1
Spiralhead has leveled up!
Stats increased:
+1 AGI
+1 STR
+2 DEX
+10 RAN

What would Spiralhead like to do now?

1.) Go north?
2.) Go east?
3.) Go south?
4.) Go west?
5.) Use item?

---------------------

Player 1: Spiralhead has selected Option 5.) Use Item.
Confirm (y/n)? y

Spiralhead has selected Awesome Phone.
Secondary Usage (y/n)? y

1.) MP3
2.) Message
3.) Camera <---

Spiralhead has selected Awesome Phone - Camera.
Awesome Phone - Camera has 500 uses.
Use? 5 times

Uses left: 495 times
Spiralhead has used Awesome Phone - Camera 5 times! Spiralhead has learnt new skills: [Angle Snapper] [Cam-whore]

*Congratulatory music plays*

----------------------------

Haha! I have taken 5 photos with my camera. Which is cool. My phone has this 2 meg camera, which is okay, but not very good, if you know what I mean. It's alright, I guess. At least I have this other 8 meg camera, but that's for like art and stuff. This, my friends, is for.... assholery. Yay! So fun!

And tomorrow, I will document a big event in school. Yay!

Anyway, before I get carried away, the photos:

1.) The "Flare"head

Haha! You will NEVER know what I look like, thanks to something handy called LENS FLARE!!! (I actually look quite cool with a lens flare for a head %D) Unless, of course, you know me in real life, then this photo was kinda stupid, but.... still. Haha! Yes, I am wearing a striped polo tee. Yes, I look pretty skinny. And yes, my bed (the bunk bed) is sexy. It's orange, what do you expect?

Did you expect me to show you my face? Nooooooooooooo haha

2.), 3.) The sexy bed and more awesomeness

It's ORANGE. ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE.

If I had a child, I'll call him Range. "Oh, Range!"

Oh, and the stuffed toy is pretty cute, too.

4.) The inexplicably blue room and orange light

My light is orange too, you know. Haha! But when I tried to take the photo, my camera went "Woah there, sonny. The orange is too much for me! It's too AWESOME! I have to depress the whole room to take a photo of its fantasticoolness!" So it turned everything blue. Except the light.

It made the light into a weakass yellow light. Thanks, camera! I still love you!

5.) The view from above

The view is pretty nice. Not complaining here. Look at the sun in the window! And I'm on my bunk bed too and I can throw kisses to the world! Yay! Haha!

Naw, but I don't do that. I laugh at the world and marvel at the scenery.

"Well, hellllllo, bird. Kinda taking up my eye space now, ain't cha?"

Well, umm...
That's me.
That's my room.

Have fun!

(I bet you want to move into my room now, don't cha? %) )

Bye, loves. Doing my FLiP here!

------------------------

"Doctor, doctor! We have an emergency!"
"What is it, nurse?"
"Someone is trying to rob the hospital!"
"We must summon the devil."

2008-08-24T00:57:00.006+08:00

Don't Ask Me - OK Go

---------------------
Quit acting so friendly.
Don't nod don't laugh all nicely.
Don't think you'll up-end me.
Don't sigh, don't sip your iced-tea.
And don't say, "It's been a while..."
And don't flash that stupid smile.

Don't ask me how I've been.

Don't think I've forgotten,
You never liked that necklace.
So cordial, so rotten...
Kiss, kiss, let's meet for breakfast.
Don't show up so on-time
And don't act like you're so kind

Don't ask me how I've been.

So don't sit there and play just
So frank, so straight, so candid,
So thoughtful, so gracious,
So sound, so even-handed.
Don't be so damn benign
And don't waste my fucking time.

Don't ask me how I've been.
---------------------

I felt like it. I must be on a roll!

Punk > Emo

2008-08-24T00:09:00.003+08:00

"Chins up, sweetie. The train is coming."
------------------
"Where's your ticket?"
"I don't have one."
"You can't get on the train without a ticket..."
"I never said I wanted to."

WHY PUNK > EMO

Let's get this clear, shall we?

1.) Emo originated from Punk.
2.) Punk and emo are (or at least were) essentially the same = songs about social alienation.
3.) REAL punk is dead. Or at least the form that we expect it to be.

-------EXAMINATION IN PROGRESS!-----------
1.) Emo originated from punk.

It's a fact. In the 1980s, "the term emo described a subgenre of hardcore punk which originated in the Washington, D.C. music scene". Emo was short for "emotional hardcore", simply, punk bands with particularly emotional performances. Maybe there would be screaming, maybe crying, maybe just plain shouting. But they were young and emotional and their music would be hard and heavy and ANGRY.

However, in the 1990s, guess what? Emo began to move. From punk, it began to embrace the softer, post-punk, sound of indie rock. And songs began to become darker. Darker and more angsty. Hey, helllllo, Pinkerton! I'm sure Weezer appreciates you!

And likewise, the fashion had changed.

"Hey, guys. I had this really fantastic idea. Why don't we steal the old punks idea of social rejection and baby-teething it into something really tame? Why don't we just steal everyone's fire? Even the goths. No one likes the goths, so..."

2.) Emo and punk = The SAME (almost).

Let's be honest, shall we?

Emo = Songs about social alienation, rejection, and failure.
Punk = Basically the same thing.

But what makes them different?
The way they treat it, that's what.

Not the old emo, but let's examine the NEW emo.
What are their songs about?

Sadness.
"True love can never last..."

Angst.
"Knives in a candy-coated shell..."

Depression.
"Perhaps no one understands me. No one needs to..."

Everyone goes through these experiences. Life isn't always a steep climp upwards to happiness. There are always valleys and peaks. Perhaps some days we've been stuck in a cave, or a gap in between two peaks, but we've alway pulled through.

Needless to say, there's no reason for us to just sit down and OVERLY reflect on it when we do get stuck. Sometimes, there's only one way out - to just stick it in, and work your painful way upwards.

Maybe it's true. No one does like you. No one does think you're cute. The girl smiling at you was just an illusion. But does that matter?

No it doesn't. You have yourself. And your most important job is to make yourself happy.

The answer does not equate to = writing sad songs which you read later to find out how sad you were.

I'm sorry...

Now let's look at punks. No one liked them, that's for sure. Except for their own kind, they were outcasts from a society. They were DIRTY, they were filthy, and they were vulgar and prude and disturbingly violent. They possessed hardly any honourable qualities. They were aliens in their homeland. And they were oh-so unlikable.

Yet I admire the way they dealt with it.

Instead of sucking in and withdrawing, they brought it out.

"Move along, boy."
"Fuck off, old man."

They, too, felt the pain of social alienation. They, too, had moments of angst and sadness and depression.

But their songs weren't a cry for help. Their songs were a cry for change.
"I don't need you to help me. I just want you to change - even if just a bit..."

They didn't want help. They didn't hope for society to lie to them and say "Hey, cheer up, sad boy..." and say the ultimate lie - "Everything will be okay...". They didn't need it. They knew that it was hopeless and that they forever would be chasing an impossible dream, but they didn't buckle under it all. They sucked in their guts and let out all their anger and fear and emotions all into their songs filled with all the energy they still possessed in their bodies filled with smoke and pollutants and all the shit they take to make themselves believe, just a little bit, that the dream was still alive. They expressed a hope for change. They tried to change things.

They DID. NOT. Withdraw into themselves and say the pain was overwhelming. Sometimes it was, but they never showed it. They just continued on. Unstoppable forces in a field of unmovable objects.

Emos just went into their little corner and little snail shells and told themselves - "oh it's not going to be okay so let's be sad for a while, kay?"
Punks went outside and shouted at the world - "hey, fuck you and you and you and you and let's all change. We can do it, but it's you that needs to change first..."

They never dwelled on their problems. Sure, they lied to themselves under a shell of anger and youthful rebellion, but they never let real life hold them down. They threw it off for as long as they could and RAN. And they never looked back.

3.) REAL punk is dead. And will probably always be.

Punk was an answer to the working society of old. The old society of the 1970s, of the 60s, the 50s, where people were restricted from acting out of place, where ordinariness was a virtue, where eccentricity was a luxury to the incredibly few.

That society is no more.

Calling yourself a 'real' punk now would be roughly the same as fighting a cardboard enemy.

I never said I was a punk.

Real punk is dead. Long live the future!

Bye, loves.

P.S: I'm not very good, so just forget everything you've just read, kay? Kay!

------------------------------
"Set me down... I'll come through. I promise."

2008-08-23T22:20:00.002+08:00

What I'm listening to: What a Waster - The Libertines

YAY! I got a new phone! And it was for free! Hehe!

But it completely rocks.... And it has a 2 meg camera, and a 2 gig SD card! YAY! %D

Wubs wubs wubs here comes the happiness train! Choo choo!

Anyway, if you want to know my number, just ask me... I'll be happy to give you it. Haha! Because I'm just awesome... No, actually I'm not but I'm digressing. Let's go on with a post!

-------------INSTRUCTIONS FOR A HAND------------

You are made of MEAT. MEATS do not mean strength.
You get strength from other MEATS.
Being a MEAT is not enough.
You must eat other MEATS.
Greens are good.
But MEATS is better.

You do not eat MEATS with hand.
You are hand from sky.
You are tool.
You are weapon.
Roll yourself up. Like a BALL.
Follow the BALL.

Follow the wind.
Fall down with the wind. Like a BALL.
You must use the BALL to strike the MEATS.
Like a SHARP. But with the MEATS from you.

The THUD is a good sign.
You have achieved the THUD.
You see the ORANGE flow forth.
You must see the RED go.
The INKS must flow out of the body.
The THUD must make you happy.

You are hand from sky.
Congratulations!
The other MEATS have fallen.
You have been a good hand.
The happiness will overflow you.
You will be ORANGE.

Nevermind that. You have the MEATS.
Your MEATS will be stronger.
Now use the CHUTE to get the MEATS into your hand.
You are hand from sky.
The MEATS will help you fly.
It will give you fuel to fly.

The MEATS will fight the wind.
It will say.
Bye bye wind hello sky.
The MEATS will fill you with feelings.
The greens will fill you with feelings.
You must get greens.
They are helpful.
They are your friends.

MEATS are better.
But greens are good too.
Greens.
Oranges are greens.
They give you advice.
Advice on how to grow and how to survive.
Good advice.

You are hand from sky.
You must learn tools.
Tools, like rock and stick.
Or to fight off other MEATS.
Other MEATS want you.
You must fight back with SHARP.

Except now SHARP does not have INKS.
You must get INKS.
Other MEATS will have INKS. If you hit them with SHARP and get the THUD.
The THUD is bad.
Reverse the SHARP.
Get the 'shink'.
The 'shink' will be pleasing to the SHARP.
The SHARP will have done its job well.

The INKS will flow out with the 'shink'.
The INKS is a sign they are good.
That you are good.
If the INKS are red you are a good hand.
If the INKS are green you are still a good hand.
The MEATS is bad.
Hit the MEATS again.

When you are done, use the hand.
Pick up the MEATS.
Put it in the CHUTE.
The CENTER will take the MEATS in and make you better.

Your GRAY is churning.
The MEATS is making it churn.
You feel different.
The THUD makes you different.
You are hand from sky.
Use the pen.
Use the paper.

Make them THUD.
You are hand from sky.
And you are the KING.

The KING of MEATS.

"Operator, please..."
"I'm sorry, but the line is busy."
"I've been a good boy, I promise..."
"Please hold."

Now that I think of it...

2008-08-22T15:49:00.002+08:00

Now that I think of it....

I just realised how totally screwed I am for chemistry. Ever had this feeling that you were supposed to understand something but you just oh-so-barely don't? Oh, everyone else does, they do. It's just you.

I estimated. Even if every single question I did in the test (half-done or more) got full marks, you know how much I'll get upon 25? Barely over 10, not even enough to barely pass. And that's if they all got fucking FULL MARKS. I'll see you all in con camp, you guys.

To distract myself a second time, I'll do something, kay?

-------------INSTRUCTIONS FOR A PEN----------------

You have SHARP. SHARP is good. SHARP is your power.
You can be black, white, ORANGE or the SHARP colour.
The colour is
Nothing.
You are NOTHING.
You are PEN. You have SHARP.

You must notice the SHARP.
The SHARP can be colourful. The SHARP will shine.
The SHARP will have INKS.
INKS can be many. INKS can be few.
You protect the INKS.

INKS can be black.
INKS cannot be white. Unless you are.
INKS can be orange.
When the hand from sky holds you, you must not RESIST.
You cannot RESIST.

The INKS will flow out of you.
Do not RESIST the feeling.
It will feel TIRING. The feeling will be TIRING.
It will feel good.
If it doesn't, the RESISTING feeling must be suppressed.
The INKS are supposed to flow out of you.

The INKS will stain the paper with your SHARP.
You are not friends with paper.
You are friends with SHARP.
Paper is your enemy
It is your bag.
INKS is your weapon.
You must use the INKS to hit the BAG.

When the INKS are gone, you must see the CENTER.
The CENTER will renew you.
Your INKS will be back.
The SHARP will be happy.

You will be happy to.
The hand from sky will REJOICE.
It will hold you soon.
It is FRIENDLY.

You will hear CLICK.
CLICK is man-speak for
"We are friends".
CLICK means the hand from sky loves you.
Two CLICKS means the hand still loves you.

When you break, you will be sent to the CENTER.
The paper world does not like you anymore.
The hand from sky will not love you anymore.

You will meet the ORANGE.
MELT in front of it.
MELT in it.
You will MELT.
You are pen. Enemy of paper.
You will MELT into things.

2008-08-21T00:38:00.002+08:00

Well, I am trying to do my work here...

Let's list down the work I need to do by tomorrow (actually today, in like 7 hours):
1.) Study for chem test ("Well does it look like I give a shit?""Well, hellllllll-lo")
2.) FLiP
3.) Chinese essay
4.) C Math

Let's b-b-b-break it down!
1.) Chem test - alright, I've pretty much resigned myself to failing. Oh well, at least there's an hour of C Math, where I will NOT be able to study, so..... feel free to laugh at one of the few to get close-to-zero for the test. And my parents will probably be seeing Dennis. :/

2.) FLiP -.... gone case.

3.) Chinese essay - well, I've fucking done the rest of my Chinese work, so.... it should tide her over, if she actually notices me. Hehe!

4.) C Math - Coursework is done! YAY! Exercise is not so done! DOUBLE YAY!

I feel like indulging my inner-Ken (no offense, you spammer-for-one-hour-as-I-tried-to-get-you-to-stop-so-that-I-could-do-my-work, you!)... Let's do it!

----------INSTRUCTIONS FOR A PAPER-----------

White. You are white.
White is pure. Like snow is pure. Dirty snow equals sickness and death.
If you feel black inside, let the CENTER know. The CENTER is black and white and black all over. It will HELP you become the ORANGE paper.

You will feel the touch. Touch of a SHARP.
Sometimes.
SHARP can be blunt and round like pebble or ORANGE, but can also be thin and rEEDY like chopping grass.
SHARP will be painful.
Pain weakens you. You will be WEAK. Unlike the ORANGE paper. ORANGE paper is strong, like the meats in the man from above.

You are paper. You do not RESIST.
Must not resist the. TOUCH.
The SHARP is not your friend. SHARP is your master.
You obey the SHARP.
The touch is its message. It will leave stains on you.
You are paper. You do not RESIST.

If you feel the RESISTING feeling, the SHARP will not touch.
You must see the CENTER.
The CENTER of the paper world. The hand from sky will help you there.
Do not RESIST the hand. The hand is strong.
Stronger than SHARP.
Stronger than STAIN.
You will not be white after the CENTER.
You will be ORANGE.

You will be paper and paper and paper and paper and paper in the CENTER.

You are paper. You do not RESIST.

The SHARP will touch you again. You are strong this time.
You are ORANGE.
The SHARP is your friend.
It will leave behind. Marks of LOVE.
Marks of FRIENDSHIP.
You must like these marks.

The hand from sky will come to take you away shortly.

On religion...

2008-08-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."

- Robert Pirsig

Being such the hardworking person that I am, I was studiously doing my schoolwork (FLiP, to be exact) when my mind began to wander. (Oh noes!) And, being the person that I am, I began to think about religion. Or now, more about life and existence in general.

What is religion?

Religion is the fascination and worship of the divine. Everyone believes and marvels at the unknown, but it's simply a question of whether you choose to worship it, or just treat it as another mystery in life.

Needless to say, I believe in God. After all, what could life be without a creator? Completely attributing life to evolution, and the big bang, is like saying that a perfectly working watch could be created by shaking around all the parts of a watch in a tin until they fit together. It just doesn't work out. So many things could, and SHOULD, have gone wrong, but they didn't. What are the chances we could be here today, discussing about our own existence? 1 in probably a number too large for me to type out even if I wanted to. Yet we got that 'chance'. Personally, I don't really believe in luck. Life's a bitch, you see, and miracles never happen. That's why I believe that there was a 'God', or perhaps, just a creator that created us, molded us from evolutionary sludge to where we are right now.

Perhaps we are like a ship in a glass bottle. Perhaps creation is a cycle of creators and creations. Maybe time runs in a loop. Our universe, our dimension, was created by a 'creator' from another 'dimension', maybe another civilisation, somewhere, somehow, who got so technologically advanced they literally had the power to create life. And they created us, molded us after them, gave us a God, a father figure we could trust, to turn to in times of need.

Maybe we are all the same, gods and angels and demons and everyone else in the universe.

And maybe after many many years we'll have the powers to create life, and we'll become 'gods', so to speak. But that's a foregone conclusion. We'll probably die out in a century or so, seeing how low we've sunk to get our needs fulfilled, our wants of sex and violence and self-satisfaction at the extent of others.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I have no idea what life is, nor am I the person to talk about it. I, after all, am just an ordinary mortal. Destined to die in, what? 50? 60 years? That is, if I don't kill myself first.

Do we really need God? I think the answer for many of us is that, yes, we do. Regardless of what we all say, we need someone to turn to. To blame when things get tough. To cry on when life overwhelms you with its little (and big) bitchiness and 'i hate you' toughness. To check us when we get too happy. To stop us, for just a little moment, from killing each other and making each others lives as miserable as possible. To differentiate us from animals, though animals do not murder out of passion or rape. We all need a punching bag. It all just matters on who, or what.

It's easy to trust that which cannot respond easily.

How many times have you put your trust in God? How many times has He responded?

I have no idea about you, but He has never responded to me. Not once. Not a single fucking time. Or perhaps I was (or am) just a bad Christian and deserve to go to hell. Perhaps...

But do you still trust Him? After all of life's little hiccups and vomits and disembowlerments? Maybe God is like life's pain medication.

I hate taking medicine. It makes me feel inadequate to handle my own problems.

I think I'll go to hell. But I'll go to sleep first because I'm tired.

Maybe I think a bit too much on the wrong things. Why do I do that? I hate my imagination, but I love it too much to part with it.

"You complete me"

Am I deep? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just a shallow person trying to dig a hole in the ground. I suppose I'm just like a puddle comparing myself to the ocean. I should stop. :/

Oh, and can you believe I found this while doing my FLiP? I can't believe it either.

She's quite cute.

2008-08-17T22:05:00.007+08:00

Hey, I just realised I'm not a black book person.

I don't deal with emotions, I deal with thoughts. And thoughts can never be written in a black book.

Sorry, Sien and Harold! I'm such a cold bastard.

Here's some random videos to conspensate:

Come on, now, be happy, everyone! FORCE yourself! %D

2008-08-17T17:12:00.004+08:00

I have upgraded BEAT Cycle to BEAT Cycle Ver 1.1 (Sexier and more awesomer!)!!!! Woohoo!

New songs added --- New AWESOME songs!

15.) The Libertines - Don't Look Back Into The Sun
16.) The Libertines - Time for Heroes
17.) The Libertines - What Became Of The Likely Lads?
18.) Aphex Twin - Jynweythek
19.) Aphex Twin - 4
20.) Incubus - Glass
21.) Incubus - Nebula
22.) The Strokes - Juicebox
23.) The White Stripes - We're Going To Be Friends
24.) Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle
25.) The Strokes - New York City Cops

And that's it for NOW!!! Haha XD

These songs are awesome, right? RIGHT? Right.

Bye, loves.

P.S: I've removed the ugly as hell buttons from the bottom of the music player. They really spoiled the thing. Haha XD Take that, ugly design!!! You know, I've just realised how easy HTML is to manipulate, once you know exactly what to do and find. It's really fun! <3

2008-08-16T23:46:00.007+08:00

Quite a lot has happened today.... Some of it good, and some of it bad, but I won't digress into it now. What all this has done, however, is made me think. Specifically, to think of what exactly it means to be me.

What does it mean to be a spiralhead?

I know it's stupid, but I feel very jealous now, and this is just to distract me. So, bear with it, will ya?

Anyway, I was thinking: what exactly does it mean when I say I'm a spiralhead? Is it just a crazy term imagined up by me, with no feeling or reason whatsoever?

Partly, but recently, I've been seriously thinking about it, and thinking about how I personally deal with obstactles in my life.

What is a spiralhead?

Well, I'd say that it's when a person breaks free from all his previous shackles - whether be it from love or relationships or social interaction or rational thought. Spiralheads, in a way, imagines up all the things they lack. Oh, lacking love? Think people love you. Imagine it up. Lie to yourself every night before you sleep to prevent your eyes from tearing. "Oh people really love you, they really do"

Sometimes the only way out of a tricky situation is to lie. Especially so when people don't exactly do the things you wished they'll do. Perhaps you know, deep inside, that people don't really like you, you know, and that you're just cooking up a story that they do. After all, what's one to do when one's alone, in a sea of love directed towards someone else?

The answer is very simple: tell yourself that maybe, somehow, somewhere, that person really likes you, deep inside. Even though you know that person doesn't. And then you just have to put on your best face, and SMILE. Because lying to yourself is no good if you don't lie to other people too.

And trust me, sometimes the best person to talk to is yourself. After all, what better friend could you have? I'd rather not depend on God, thank you very much. He may work for some people, but not for me. I used to trust Him, a very.... very long time ago, I really did. But He never really told me He loved me. Maybe He really did. But He never showed me - after all my heartfelt prayers and wishes bathed in tears all He did was just make things worse. Perhaps I was never really a good Christian. I don't know that, but I don't wish that I was. All I knew was that He was not responding, and after a while, I just hated showing my love towards someone who didn't love me back, at least not in a way that I recognised. And depending on Him? I can't do it, you see, I don't have the .... naiiveness to do that. I have been pockmarked too often by dissappointment and hopelessness and no one. NO ONE. ever could help me with them, least of all God. That's why sometimes, sometimes, I have to trust only on MYSELF.

And that's everything a spiralhead needs. And a good imagination.

You'll need a good imagination to make up an imaginary friend. Least of all and trying to convince yourself "I'm not crazy, not at all...". It's hard, sometimes, but after a while, talking to yourself becomes .... comforting, almost. What better friend to have then someone who knows you inside out? And after a while, you won't need any friends. After all, you have your best friend right next to you, all the time. Whenever you're sad and need someone to hold you. That won't ever happen, but you can imagine that he almost does. And that's enough, sometimes.

It's never truely enough, nor the best thing to do, but that's alright. You realise that. You're a SPIRALHEAD. You'll always have that mature streak in you, the one that tells you "hey! you're a fucking retard so stop that", but you don't always have to listen to that voice. Sometimes, you can afford to lie to yourself a little - "hey, it's just once. Maybe I'm not so bad after all..." But you know you are, but it's okay, everyone's bad inside. Like a rotten apple glossy after a spray of adhesive. What's to seperate you from the rest of them smug bastards who can afford to be happy? Nothing, that's what. So be happy, be yourself, and why care about what the others think. They won't care about you, anyhow.

A good spiralhead makes himself feel better.

And imagination helps along the way. However, imagination is a double-edged sword. It can dilute reality's checks into a sea of truths, untruths and lies, but it can also present to you a cardboard enemy - invisible demons and false doomsdays. "Maybe that girl hates me after all.... maybe that's why she doesn't turn to me and jokes like she does to all her other friends" That's why it's nice to tell yourself that it isn't the case - "hey, she probably just treats me as a 'serious' friend - one who she can confide in". It's a shortlived comfort, but it helps, many times, especially when you know it's fruitless.

It hurts to love someone who you know will never love you back. It really does. Especially when you hear proclaimations of love (fake or otherwise) to that person, and sometimes it justs gets you down inside. It makes you jealous.

The spiralhead in you comes out. Because it's the only thing to do. After all, what are the chances the other person secretly loves you back? Zilch. Nothing. Na-da. It's a painful truth, but it's the truth. No matter how many times you attempt to sugarcoat it in a dressing of lies and orange-flavoured love, it'll always stare you back in your face. "Doesn't love you"

And when that person comes up to you and smiles and says "hi", you musn't show your true self. Because that's not what a spiralhead does. A spiralhead hopes. So you smile back and say "hi" and pretend that you never really liked that person anyway and life is dandy and somehow, somehow, that person will like you back.

No one comes up to me and talks to me.

I'm sorry, dear, but that's because you're BORING. Or you're scary. Or freaky. Take your pick. And no one likes you.

But a spiralhead never dwells on angst, does he? No, he doesn't. Time waits for no one, dear, and least of all you. So come on, run with me, and let's catch up with time before it leaves us behind...

Even if no one wants it, we shall be happy together, and no one can stop that.

Last night, she said:
"Oh, baby, I feel so down.
See, it turns me off,
When I feel left out"

So I, I turned 'round:
"Oh, baby, gonna be just fine"
It was a great big lie
'Cause I left that night”

That was my brain on autopilot, don't mind this spiralhead too much. Bye, loves.

2008-08-16T17:19:00.002+08:00

Music player, I called you, and thy name shall be BEAT Cycle!

-------------------------

Wow, this is pretty..... odd. Listening to cool music (The Strokes! Haha!) and watching homoerotic sweaty men stroking oars (Olympics double sculls men or some shit) at the same time. Ummm.... yay!

ANYWAY, before I digress, here's the tracklist CURRENTLY for the awesome new music player on the side (which does not autoplay, thank you very much something called discretion):
P.S: Tracklist is in SHUFFLE ;D

1.) The Strokes - Hard to Explain
2.) The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
3.) The Strokes - Reptilia
4.) The White Stripes - Fell In Love With A Girl
5.) The Strokes - Last Nite
6.) The White Stripes - Icky Thump
7.) The Strokes - Barely Legal
8.) The White Stripes - The Hardest Button to Button
9.) The Strokes - You Only Live Once
10.) Plastic Operator - Folder
11.) The Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now
12.) The Libertines - The Man Who Would Be King
13.) POLYSICS - Electric Surfin' Go Go
14.) Animal Collective - Peacebone

I would put up more songs, but I'm lazy. =_- Haha %D

ENJOY IT! Like an ORANGE! It'll add ambience to the place, liven it up somewhat...

Bye for now, loves...

Hey, sad person

2008-08-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

Hey, sad person (you know who)...

Sometime's it's good to tell a lie.

That's all.

2008-08-15T23:52:00.004+08:00

Happy Belated National Day, Singapore! (Yay for capslock!)

This video is pretty cool.... Haha! Oh, pastor, you're always making up such new songs... Quite nice though! Good job!

I always <3 to go to Lighthouse just to see what song you come up with next. Hahaha XD

No, but, really, it's quite impressive that you wrote it and performed it. That's awesome.

2008-08-15T22:36:00.007+08:00

Awesome sauce music YEAH [+2]

CHILL PILL!!!! %)

Hey, people.... emotions have been running high (or low) lately, so let's all chill out, shall we? Let's have nice, relaxing music....

Actually, you know what?

I doubt that will help... so let's have some just plain cool music, kay? Let's all immerse ourselves into a world of imagination and dreams...

---------HERE WE GO AGAIN--------

1.) The White Stripes

GENRE: Alternative Rock/Punk blues/Garage Rock (AWESOME)

This band is made out of only. TWO. PEOPLE. Let's repeat that again. TWO. PEOPLE. Hehe they're awesome. Like, really. Just as awesome as the Strokes (cool dudes too!)!!! And this time, the singer has one of those awesome singing voices - like the fantastic old punk singers! (And he can sing and play the guitar and play the synth AT THE SAME TIME) And the drummer.... well, she's decent. I mean, she's not the best drummer (or is she very good), but her drumming fits the music.

.... I suppose you could say that their music is MINIMALISTIC (which is still cool!). You know, like how an ORANGE is still awesome when it's just an ORANGE.

Let's have the COMPLETELY FUCKING AWESOME songs, shall we? Because I just love them (Don't worry Strokeys I <3 you too!)

(This is the song that spurred me to listen to them %D)
Elephant - Seven Nation Army
Elephant - The Hardest Button to Button
Icky Thump - Icky Thump

(AND THE AWESOMENESS SONG EVER FROM THEM WITH THE MOST AWESOME VIDEO EVER 1:22 OMG)
White Blood Cells - Fell In Love With A Girl

-----------BONUS [+1]------------------

The Strokes (because they're just plain awesome)

GENRE: AWESOME MUSIC

LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE (GASP!)

First Impressions of Earth - Juicebox (UNCUT! It's sooooo much more sexual than the original! hehe %D)

Is This It - Last Nite

Look out for 2:04! Awww.... he kisses the lead guitarist! How sweet! <3

But anyway, awesome song! hehe
-----------------------------------

That's all for now... bye, loves.

Let's just say...

2008-08-14T19:33:00.006+08:00

Let's just assume, all right, that life was like a video. We can rewind and fast forward, alright? We can pause, or replay, or do anything, actually, whenever and whatever we want. Now, I have no idea whether you would actually want to rewind or fast forward, seeing how that takes the fun out of everything, but personally, I'd rather fast forward. There's a whole bunch of crap in my past which I'd rather not see again nor remember (haha out of sight, out of mind), and right now is complete shit. Like really, missing a grade 7 by a mark? Harsh, dude.

....actually, by this point, I have no idea what the hell I was going to talk about, but WHATEVER - let's just rush forward, shall we? Alright, let's just assume, again, that everyone's life is like a videoclip. Each with its individual timing, story and characters. Each, of course, with its own varying degree of .... appeal, shall we say, for people to watch it.

Do you know (or want to know) how many people want to watch your life?

I think my life was pretty boring. And I'd rate my video a 2/5. %D BUT ANYWAY - Let's talk about timings. For some reason, videoclips ALWAYS enjoy screwing up with me. "Oh hey look it's him! Let's suddenly stop, shall we, to piss him off?" I suppose many people's lives would be roughly around the 80 minute mark, but I have this feeling (just a little bit) that my videoclip would end at roughly the 30 minute mark. After all, I do have this attention problem, and I have no patience with things that refuse to play with me. Least of all, a video that goes on too long, too late, and overstays its welcome. I'd rather go out with a bang (Bang! Bang! You're dead!).

Somehow or another, I feel that if I fast forward, I'll get stuck in the 30 minute mark. Accelerating through the video minutes at a time, I'll rush forward until 27:00, where I start to encounter video 'burps', or those irritating as hell things in videos that stop loading, then suddenly starts again. But just a little bit. At 28:00, the video will have trouble keeping up with my attention. At 29:00, there's trouble! Maybe I would have started doing something else at that point. Maybe... I would start paying less attention to the video. At 30:00, the video suddenly stops. A violent stop. "Video not available" - By that time, maybe I'll just give up and walk away to a better (actually, probably worse) place. To a land of sunshine and lollipops, or a place of fire and hot sands that burn your feet.

Sometimes I just love to wonder how other people's videoclips will be like. I'll <3 to view them, you know, to compare. I think people will laugh at mine, because I'm sooooooooo laughable.

Perhaps there are people who would buy videoclips for their own enjoyment. Paying people to change theirs, paying people to steal theirs, paying other people to end theirs. I think I need a producer, cos my video is getting ahead of itself.

---------------------UNREALITY CHECK----------------------
The White Stripes - Fell in Love with a Girl:

Haha! If you understood what I just said, well .... congra-tuuuuuu-lations! XD If you didn't (:/), well... umm... don't worry, dear, just leave the thought out of your mind. It doesn't really matter anyway. I don't think it would exactly affect your life, nor would you really want to listen to it anyway. HAHA

Let's indulge my whim:
Q: What part of the body can never die?

A: The Liver

ENJOY IT!!!

--------------SECOND REALITY (Or UN-) CHECK!!!!-----------------
Tegan and Sara - Walking

On other news, I'm pretty fucking screwed for school. The. END. XD Oh how I love school. Absolutely thrills me down to my super unsexy socks and my decent shoes. :/

AHHHHHHH

2008-08-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHH FUCK IT I FEEL DOWN NOW SO YEAH

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE A DAMN LOT OF SHIT JUST HAPPENED AND I HAVE NO IDEA WTF IS HAPPENING.... :/ Thanks a lot, you all! %)

I'LL PUT IN THE LYRICS OF MY FAVOURITE SONG EVER, KAY?

I missed the last bus
I'll take the next train
I'll try, but you see
It's hard to explain
I say the right thing
But act the wrong way
I like it right here
But I cannot stay
I'm watching T.V.
Forget what I'm told
Well I am too young
And they are too old
The joke is on you
This place is a zoo
You're right, it's true

HAha

It's hard to explain....

Bye, loves (though I doubt any of you love me, so....). Bye, peeps. Be happy, now, will ya?

GOD

2008-08-10T23:30:00.005+08:00

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OPENOFFICE YOU ASSHOLE WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING HARD TO USE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THE DAY STARTED OUT ALRIGHT

AND THEN YOU CAME IN

ASSHOLE

I can think up 10 reasons why OpenOffice sucks worse than Microsoft Office:
1.) Microsoft Office doesn't always lag like a dick
2.) Why can't I fucking see my pointer when the background is black?
3.) How the hell can I put text if I can't even bloody see my pointer?
4.) Why the hell is the guide to putting a FUCKING IMAGE as a background so FUCKING LONG?
5.) It's not good to have more than 7 steps just to put a IMAGE as a background.
6.) Why can't my font resize when it is too fucking big for the text box instead of shooting off like a revolver shoot in a hunting gallery?
7.) Stop fucking AUTO-CORRECTING me with every dash (-) that I put and giving me a HUGE POP-UP that brings me to a DIFFERENT page every time I click it to close it
8.) WHY. THE. FUCK can't it be opened by Microsoft Office and why the fuck when I save it in a different format it's read-only?!
9.) Why can't I just go New Document --> New Powerpoint Slide --> Wow new slide?
10.) Why the hell did you just make me mad enough to stupidly write up a 10 reason rant for this shit?

Sigh.... luckily Sien is letting me use his computer tmrw to do the slides otherwise I'm pretty fucking screwed. (Thankies! <3 you!) And all for bio... T_T

Gosh, OpenOffice, what crawled up your ass and turned into a dick? Honestly.

Let's have a random quote to lighten up the 20 minutes or so left of the day:
"The world would be a horrible place without oranges." Yay! ORANGES

Can someone say "whoops"?

2008-08-10T17:45:00.007+08:00

Well..... shit.

I was just caught by my parents today skipping my oh-so-fantastic Youth Ministry in Wesley. Ummm.... that's nice. (Oh, by the way, if you want to know why I skip church, it's long and complicated, and you'll have to ask me that in PERSON. haha! %D)

So after a nice loooooooong talk by my mother on networking and 'fitting in' and shit, I am now going to another church next week. Well, actually more like visiting. Next stop, Adams Road Presby!

Sounds fun! XD

(P.S: Also I impaled my fingers putting a fucking pin on my newly bought hat so it BETTER appreciate it! ARGHhhhh!!!! It was bleeding all over me today... T_T)

------VIDEOS OF THE MOMENT-----------

APHEX TWIN - When he's not acid-tripping and mind-fucking....

Amazingly, yes! Aphex twin does not always make crazy acid blasters! He makes nice, little, relatively relaxing and soft songs like these, which I really love.... (Haha! Orange!)

Example 1: Jynweythek, from drukqs

Example 2: 4, from Acoustica: Alarm Will Sound

Example 3: Milkman, from Girl/Boy EP

Wasn't that fun? And RELAXING? Trust me, listen to his other songs, it'll help you appreciate this (albeit slightly crazy) calm better...

(Haha! EMBEDDED VIDEOS... now that's cool)

Video of the MOMENT

2008-08-09T23:12:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls0e0sRkC8Q <-- Alright, actually this is kinda stupid, but still. haha XD

And also, completely awesome japanese punk music! Yay!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPhdXx_y6lE

Really bored here, as you can see. %D

(No offence, Sien!)

Orange dedication post [+1]

2008-08-09T21:30:00.004+08:00

ORANGE IS AWESOME OKAY

Look at black.

Now look at ORANGE.

Wouldn't you say it's cool? It stands out. It invites you in. It's sweetly affectionate.

Let's compare, alright?
I LOVE YOU. Now for the other one. I LOVE YOU.

See? XD It's utterly fantastico!

P.S: I try not to have real life affect me too much. It depresses everything... %)

Awesome sauce music YEAH [+1]

2008-08-09T16:48:00.001+08:00

Awesome sauce music YEAH [+1]

ALRIGHTY!

I know many of you have never heard these bands or songs before, so I'm here to introduce you to them!! Many of them are really nice (and sometimes cute), so listen to them, kay?

I'll put in a few at a time, but they're generally something awesome that I've just found. I'll write something nice about them too, but please listen to them!!! The links to vids and shit are below.

---HERE WE GO----

1.) The Strokes

GENRE: Garage rock/Post-punk (Influenced all rock after 2001, bitches!HAHA MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE TAKE THAT)

Sigh.... I know some people say their music is boring and stuff, but they're really cool. I can see how people say they're repetitive (they actually are), but their songs are really catchy, and while not groundbreaking, just awesome rock songs.

Let's have the best songs from each of their albums, shall we?

Is This It - New York City Cops
Room on Fire - Reptilia
First Impressions of Earth - You Only Live Once

And because this song is awesome....
Is This It - Hard to Explain

--------BONUS!!! %D--------

Plastic Operator

GENRE: Electronica/Synthpop (?)

Haha this song is just so damn catchy-poppy!!

Different Places - Folder
(What other music video has falling y-fronts on paper people? It's awesomesauce!)

I'll be coming back with more, kay? Just listen to these now... %D

"Orange is the happiest colour."

2008-08-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

Frank Sinatra said that. It's cool. I mean, just look at this!

Orange orange orange
Orange is the colour of warmth
The colour of passion
The colour of happiness
The colour of DESIRE
Also, it's nice to eat *glomp*

Look, can we just agree that orange is cool?

“A man ought to carry himself in the world as an orange tree would if it could walk up and down in the garden, swinging perfume from every little censer it holds up to the air.”

I mean, don't you just love oranges?

P.S: Wow! Look at the date! Enjoy the auspicious-y of it all! AND IT'S ORANGE!!! XD